Waxing contemplative today..come back next time if you're smart

Sigh. Where did this week go? Seriously, Tuesday, where were you? I have absolutely no recollection of Tuesday (apparently I wrote a post, now that I look back).

Every time I have wanted to post something here this week, I have then self judged/dissed/belittled the thought. Nobody wants to hear about that, Michelle. this blog is about the funny things your kids say, or the trip to the beach you took last weekend.

But alas, my thoughts won't leave me. So here they are (deal with it, mean self):

We are smack in the middle of big transitions here. Mainly with Annie (which are public and on display) but also with me, the behind-the-scenes-supposed-holder-together-of this-family (which aren't usually on display, except, here I am, displaying them for you. blogging is so strange). Here are some of them, in bullets:
  • We are transitioning out of a nap for Annie. well, almost. because the secret is, she is currently napping. But a couple weeks ago, I was having both a DOOZIE of a time getting her to go down in the afternoon, then a DOUBLE DOOZIE of a time getting her up from it, and down again a few hours later. It was the nap battle that inspired this post, actually. So, a light bulb came on early last week, and I decided to stop with the napping already, and just put her down early. and I mean EARLY. 6:15, right after dinner. I remember someone told me of this method when zane was about this age, and I thought they were completely crazy. But turns out, with the right kid at the right age, it works beautifully. And with our new morning schedule for Zane, she was getting up at 6:30 in the morning anyway (this house is too small for her to not hear every movement and wake up), so now she gets about 12 hours. Woo hoo! (this bullet is getting long, I know. come back tomorrow, haters.) But then sometimes going to sleep at 6:15 is unreasonable. SOMETIMES we actually have a life. in which case, she naps. and usually, because it's not every day, she's actually tired. So hooray, progress. and double hooray, a nap today. :)
  • okay, next bullet, finally. Annie is potty trained. Wonder of wonders, miracles of miracles. actually, not the uphill battle I thought it would be. Zane was a clueless little potty trainer--and he was at least 6 months older than she is currently. So I wasn't expecting it to just click. But in her case, it did. incredible. What do I give credit too? First, her obsession with dress-up dresses: "I no dih mah piddy dess duhty mommy!" a pretty-dress-wetting experience DID happen a couple of times, and she was heart broken. once she realized that "wet" meant "in the laundry until saturday when we do laundry and not until then," never again was it a problem. "nehber, NEHBER!" Second, peer pressure. We have been watching a little gal every day for a few hours. Annie idolizes her. Imagine this conversation. me: "Time to go potty girls!" annie: "NOO!!!" sienna: "Okay!" annie: "OKAY!" magic, I tell you what. Finally, I owe a lot to miniature treats, although we're past that now. but it's amazing what two or fee skittles can do. **One more note here: When Zane was Annie's age, and we were experiencing potty training for the first time, I would read other people's blogs or hear other people's successes, then go in my room and weep. Therefore, I almost didn't mention it here. But I also realize now that it is truly a "give me all the possible ideas you have for what might work and then I can pick and choose according to each child" kind of thing. so there are our ideas.
  • I have been trying to do myself favors throughout the day, so that the end of the day isn't so dreaded. the main thing is dishes. we have no dishwasher, you remember. before, I have hated the thought of doing hand washing more than once a day. but after returning home from house sitting, the thought of 45 minutes of dishes every single night was just horrendous. So now, I fill the sink with hot, soapy water before each meal. Then, after the meal, I wash. done. (Except not today. today they are piled up like they used to be and I am dreading tonight.)
  • Our social calendar has been cleared a bit. I've decided to forego speech for a few months (you can all understand annie's words perfectly, right?) and we have downsized our week-by-week get-togethers. We haven't wiped them out entirely, just made them more of a "let's make a date" and less of a "come every week at this time or else" kind of thing. I think it has helped me and Annie be able to have more one-on-one time, which has been a very good thing. plus, it's helped with potty training.
  • There are other things I'm trying out too, having to do with time, and talents, and mental capacity. But they don't seem blogworthy--too touchy to put on display as "something better" just yet. But they have helped me with the minute-by-minute (Except not today. today I am being lazy and looking at the internet and dreaming of napping).
And that last parenthesis is kind of my point with all this transition/progress/moving forward/being better talk. It's hard stinkin' work! And most of the time, I'm finding that the progress actually gets swallowed up in the every day. So much so, in fact, that it seems to often be one step forward, two steps back (Especially in 600 square feet, because if you slip up for even a second, things LITERALLY pile on top of each other until you can't see the other people who live here). And sometimes, when I use my time more wisely, what I end up with is just more time..so then I either waste that time, or I think of things to fill that time, and then I'm under water again, with dishes piling up and annie a mess and on and on.

In other words, why can't I just be like Annie, and get life-trained already? Why can't I just DECIDE to not get my pretty dress dirty, and then be done with it?

I'm ready to be more capable. I'm ready to be better. And yet, here I am, the same gal I was yesterday. And on tuesday (even though who knows what i was DOING on tuesday).

Okay okay so that's not all true. I DO feel progress has happened, just because of the natural happiness of getting older. I actually enjoy feeling older than I did 10 or 5 or 2 years ago, knowing the wisdom that has come because of life experience. I just wish it felt like 2 steps FORWARD, 1 step BACK, instead of the other way around, at least once in awhile.

And that's all for today. I'm off to do the dishes.

I'll leave you with a thought (aka picture sequence) about sharing. Because that is DEFINITELY something we know how to do in this house:

Is any further explanation needed here? perhaps this: "Woo mom! Z share ah wahpop ah Me!" will suffice.


Ann Marie said…
Great post! You are thinking things through and moving forward. I am just crying. One of my favorite co-workers can't stand our boss any more and is quitting. Oh well. Enjoy your darlings - maybe you will get a lick of the lollypop too. :)
I love this post! You explain the life of a mother so well! There are many mornings that I wake up ready to go and accomplish my to do list for the day. And then 30 minutes into my morning I'll be completely wiped out and unmotivated! I love being a mother, and being home with my kids all day, but sometimes it's hard to find that motivation! Tomorrow, 30 minutes into my morming...I'll be back to read your post again! Then I'll be motivated! :)
Kjerstin said…
I just love you. We need to figure out a way to live next door to each other some day. :)