I'm a bit of a mess, but I'm blogging

Man, I sure tempted the blogging gods with that last post/claim to not blog for awhile. "Not going to post for a few days?" they said, taunting me. "Well, we'll see about that."

Monday night I was running after Annie (and who wouldn't be running if you heard, "I nee a pee pee a potty mommy!") and I slammed my toe against the ottoman in true moving-too-fast-to-remember-how-small-that-corridor-between-the-couch-and-ottoman-is style.

did I say slammed? I meant SLAMMED!!! As in I almost cursed. I am not even kidding.

"Well," I thought to myself. "At least this will make for a great picture in the morning! Maybe I will blog abou---wait a minute, I said I wasn't going to blog. ah well, it would have been a good one."

Not going to blog about the toe, are you? those pesky blogging higher-ups were worried. so they came up with an even better plan. heh, heh, heh.

Enter Tuesday. I'm limping around, working my crazy tail off all day. Dinnertime comes, and I'm starving. We pull out mexican food stuffs. avocado, tomatoes, lime, cilantro, black beans, tortillas, mangoes, you get the drift. I make food for the kids, then for me while brandon puts together his own masterpiece. As I'm taking my first bite (and brandon's finishing his prep) I think to myself, "Hey, Abhay (brandon's friend from India who had cooked us killer curry the week before for Lindsey's visit) left a few chilis in the fridge. I'll bet Brandon would like some of that kick."

But then I pause, because pulling out/preparing a chili out would mean having to stop eating. and I am starving. and limping.

So I do it fast. go to the fridge, pull out the bag. get out a small little green one, cut off the top. hold the chili in my hand while I flick out the seeds with my thumbs. set the chili down because I am too hungry to cut up the whole thing. return to my burrito. pick it up with both hands, take a huge bite.

and IMMEDIATELY, a fire goes off on my lips.

as in "holy holy holy holy HOLY HOLY HOLYHOLYHOLYHOLYHOLY CRAP MY LIPS ARE ON FIRE!!!

SOMEONE HELP! BRANDON! AH! AH! HOT! OUCH!!"

And then, as I'm pulling ice out and trying to alleviate the raging inferno, another fire sparks in my hand. You know, the hand that held the chili, and the thumb that flicked out the seeds. "ouch ouch ouch ouch OUCH OUCH OUCHOUCHOUCHOUCHOUCH!! It's on my HAND! OH NO, IT'S ON BOTH HANDS!! IT'S ON MY LIPS! BRANDON, DO SOMETHING!!"

I say all this as I'm limping around the kitchen. And Brandon + my kids are looking at me, wondering who this crazy person is that they live with.

"THE CHILI! IT GOT ON MY HAND! IT GOT ON MY LIPS!! BRANDON, I NEED HELP!"

I go to the computer (NO NOT TO BLOG! I'm not THAT crazy) to look for remedies for this kind of crazy heat.

"drink milk." we're out.
"drink alcohol." I almost did.
"swish cold sugar water." thank heavens.

I limp back to the kitchen, pour some sugar into a bowl, then PLUNGE my lips into such happiness. AHHH, relief. but then my hands are still on fire. I take my lips out and PLUNGE both hands instead. into the sugar water. making big puddles. (later, I remember about the sugar water, because of the huge sticky messes I keep encountering as I limp about.)

Luckily, (and I mean LUCKILY) the pain in my lips subside after about 10 minutes. Unfortunately, it takes an hour for my lesser hand and ALL NIGHT for my left hand to feel better (I go to sleep holding a bag of ice).

And as I drift off to sleep, I think, "That's the LAST TIME I say I'm going to quit blogging for awhile. After all, I can't NOT blog this one!"

And the blogging gods smile, mischievously.

ps--all fires are out on my body. but I'm still limping. and we're home. so I'm happy.

Comments

Emily said…
meesh. im so sorry...
but at least your ears aren't uneven. ;)
love-emmy
Crystal said…
Thanks for blogging Michelle. It was really all of us wondering how we could go a whole week without our Michelle fix. So sorry about the fire!! :)
Tina said…
wow what a story.

dude should have warned you a bit before leaving those chillies in your fridge, what if one of your kids had grabbed one?

it must have hurt bad if you even considered swearing.

and go get your broken toe looked at lady!
Ann Marie said…
I am so sorry to be laughing. I can actually visualize the whole thing and I really know about hot. I think you are just are very talented about descriptions. I am going to remember that sugar water thing. And I really am sorry you were on fire. And I really do want world peace.
Ginger said…
I'm dissapointed that you didn't swear. I wonder what would have been your choice word.
Lillie said…
I have an obsession with fresh jalapenos and just the other night I bathed Mila after cutting one and couldn't figure out why she was freaking out about her bottom hurting, screaming and crying and rolling around for like 10 minutes. I thought it was the bubbles in the tub... then when I rubbed my eye brow and lit it on fire, I realized that I'd washed- like fully washed her little bottom, with jalapeno FIRE on my fingers. SO sad. That stuff is dangerous!

Good story shelly. I could picture the whole thing-- so sorry I was laughing at your pain!
reminds me of that movie Yes man (a bit awkward parts of that movie) but seems your experience w/ the blog gods was similar
next time tell brandon to get his own chilis!!!!!!!

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